Body image is a pretty evident issue among society, especially among young girls, all thanks to the beauty standards that the society put on us. The fashion and beauty industry play a huge part in making us feel like we’re not enough, only to sell their clothes and beauty products. At some point, you might even think fashion isn’t for you because you don’t fit their beauty standard. I had to deal with a lot of body image issues when I was a teenager, mostly because I got fat-shamed a lot.

When I was younger, I was always bigger than my peers and in return, I got fat shamed a lot. Like, a lot. I was never really aware of my body until I was around 14 years old. This was when I started dating and got interested in boys. And let me just say, boys are mean. If someone ever tells you that boys are mean to you because they like you, call that bullshit out because it’s not true. Boys are mean because they’re just that. Mean! You have no idea how many times I’ve been called fat by my peers during my teenage years. Even when they didn’t mean it in a bad way, even when they thought they were being helpful, even when they thought they were trying to motivate me into losing weight, all of that was fat shaming in my opinion. The reason to this is, I wasn’t actually fat back then. Heck, I’m three times the size I was then and I’m still not fat. A little big but not fat, you know what I mean? It was just horrible. I was constantly on the look out for the best way to diet, the best way to exercise. I was constantly on and off a diet regime and it was just exhausting! It was especially emotionally exhausting! Heck, I remember a boyfriend I had back then telling me that I was fat and I need to lose weight and that definitely messed with my head a little. I was 18!

For the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing photos of myself when I was 17 and a lot of times, I would look at it and think, “Damn, I looked hot!”. I don’t remember my 17 year-old self looking at herself in the mirror and thinking that. How screwed up is it, that I’m only saying that 4 years later? I remember meeting one of my friends at a restaurant, we were not there together. It was 9PM, I ordered grilled chicken and fries and he said, “You ordered chicken at 9PM? No wonder you’re getting fat.” I started owning myself and my body when I was 19 years old. I’m thankful because a lot of girls at my current age still deal with a lot of body image issues and I don’t really deal with that anymore. I like my body, I feel comfortable in my own skin, I love it. I have slab of fat here and there, especially around my abdomen but things are fine.

However, I’ve finally decided that I want to trim all of that down. A couple of weeks ago, I looked at a picture of myself posing in a tight dress and I had layers of fat on my belly, and I want all of that gone. I don’t hate my body, but I do want to look better. I’m coming to terms that, yes I’ve grown. Yes, I’m a bit overweight and it’s time that I do something about it. I’m not doing it because of my peers, I’m not doing it because I think that’s what people want to see. I’m doing it for me, and I think I’m doing it for all the right reasons, because I want it for me. Instead of going on a full-on diet, I’m taking things slow. I don’t want to go on intensive diet and workout mode and then go on an extreme plateau. I want this to become a lifestyle so I’m cutting out some of the things I don’t like about my lifestyle. I want to stop eating junk food in between meals (I love snacking, it’s crazy), I want to drink more water, I want to exercise more. I want to live a healthier lifestyle, both physically, mentally and emotionally.

If you’re dealing with any body image issues, or you’re trying to lose some weight, I’ve got your back, girl. We’re in this together.

Talk again again soon,
Hani Lutfi


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