LIFE LATELY : BEING AN ABSOLUTE MESS AND FINDING COMFORT IN IT

 

If you haven’t noticed, I have been distant from this site but that’s completely unintentional. I just haven’t had the time to focus on my blog that much. I have been very busy with life, with trying to cope with work and school, keeping up with my friends and maintaining a social life. At the same time, I’m trying to squeeze in as much “me” time as I can, as much down time as I can. I obviously only want to give you guys the best that I can so I will never put out content that I am not 100% happy with. I’ve had drafts waiting to be finalised for the longest time and I could only deal with them when I’m 100% focused on the content that I’m putting out. Hence, I deleted some of the drafts that I had because at that time, in that moment, they weren’t something I would like other people to go read.

I have been pretty busy with my 9 to 5 office job and at the same time, attending classes either after working hours or on the weekends. When I’m not doing any of those things, I try to go out and socialize. Or I stay at home and hibernate. When I say hibernate, I literally just do nothing but spend time watching creative content. Even that, I’m struggling with. I have a list of new music, podcasts and shows I want to check out but I haven’t been able to sit down and focus on any of those things. I really like to do things when I’m 100% in the zone, paying attention and being able to process any information that I might get. I haven’t done proper laundry for weeks. I’ve been putting clothes in and out of the washer but they’re all not hung up or folded, which is really bad. I try to find other things that I can enjoy and those things right now are beauty and food. I have been visiting cafes recently and enjoying really good food. It’s the ultimate treat for me. With beauty products, I haven’t had the time to focus on any of them and keep up with my opinions on them throughout their shelf lives so I don’t think I would be able to do individual reviews on any of them but I think, I might just do a round-up favourites post or something like that.

The universe has also gifted with a couple of new kittens two months ago and they are the cutest and most mischievous little creatures ever. Again, I haven’t been able to pay any attention to them so they are lacking a lot of human touch but I’ll try to give them more love once I clear out some of the things I’ve been working on. A month ago, I’ve  found interest in a member of the opposite sex and I’m really keen on starting a romantic relationship, getting back into dating people but I honestly haven’t had enough mental capacity to again, focus on all of this. It’s just too much for me right now. My life is pretty crazy right now, I am all over the place. I don’t have my shit together and I think, as much as I would like to be this calm and collected person, I know that everybody is still trying to figure their lives out so it’s completely okay to be an absolute mess.

I hope you could find comfort in knowing that I, too, don’t have my shit together so if you think you don’t have your shit together, you’re not alone.

Talk again soon,
Hani Lutfi

MY 21ST BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

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It is officially May 2017 and that means it’s my birthday month! Birthdays are some of my favourite things to celebrate, especially when I’m being showered by my favourite brands (thanks loyalty programmes!). While I wait to redeem free movie tickets from GSC and a birthday gift from Sephora, I thought I should make a birthday wishlist. These are just some of the things I don’t mind receiving, even though I know the only person who’s gonna gift me these things is myself. I am very into make-up and skincare, we all know this. And now that I’m earning my own money and I can afford a few things myself, I’ve become addicted! There’s just something about skincare and make-up that makes my heart leap with joy, especially when I see some of the most beautiful swatches in the world. It’s a love affair for sure! I have a few luxury items in here too, things that are pretty out of reach but I like to dream anyway. So, what are we waiting for? Let’s get into the list.

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COMING TO TERMS WITH BODY IMAGE ISSUES

Body image is a pretty evident issue among society, especially among young girls, all thanks to the beauty standards that the society put on us. The fashion and beauty industry play a huge part in making us feel like we’re not enough, only to sell their clothes and beauty products. At some point, you might even think fashion isn’t for you because you don’t fit their beauty standard. I had to deal with a lot of body image issues when I was a teenager, mostly because I got fat-shamed a lot.

When I was younger, I was always bigger than my peers and in return, I got fat shamed a lot. Like, a lot. I was never really aware of my body until I was around 14 years old. This was when I started dating and got interested in boys. And let me just say, boys are mean. If someone ever tells you that boys are mean to you because they like you, call that bullshit out because it’s not true. Boys are mean because they’re just that. Mean! You have no idea how many times I’ve been called fat by my peers during my teenage years. Even when they didn’t mean it in a bad way, even when they thought they were being helpful, even when they thought they were trying to motivate me into losing weight, all of that was fat shaming in my opinion. The reason to this is, I wasn’t actually fat back then. Heck, I’m three times the size I was then and I’m still not fat. A little big but not fat, you know what I mean? It was just horrible. I was constantly on the look out for the best way to diet, the best way to exercise. I was constantly on and off a diet regime and it was just exhausting! It was especially emotionally exhausting! Heck, I remember a boyfriend I had back then telling me that I was fat and I need to lose weight and that definitely messed with my head a little. I was 18!

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GETTING GLASSES : DISCOVERING MEDIUM RARE

When I was a kid, my Dad got me glasses because the optometrist said I was short-sighted. He even got me one of those strings to put on your glasses so I didn’t lose them. Yeah, the ones Phua Chu Kang’s mom wears. I never thought glasses were cool, especially at a single digit age where all I wanted was to look like Lizzie Mcguire. When I was around 15 years old, I couldn’t see the whiteboard so I went to the optometrist again and she said I have astigmatism. So, I got another pair of glasses. A few months later, I stopped wearing them because I thought I could see just fine without it.

Now, at the age of 21, I am 100% sure that I need glasses because I can’t see clearly. I think it’s astigmatism instead of short/long-sightedness. I just can’t see things very clearly when it’s really bright. It’s really not that bad because I can still read and decipher things but now that I’m working on the computer 8 hours a day, watching something on it at home and looking at my phone almost 24/7, I think it’s only going to get worse. It’s also getting really dangerous for me to drive because my eyes would sometimes water when it’s too bright out and I wouldn’t be able to see that well.

So, glasses it is.

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THAT TIME I MET MY FAVOURITE K-BEAUTY YOUTUBER

If you don’t know, I’m an avid Youtube watcher. I go on Youtube and watch videos almost every single day. In June 2016, thanks to Joan Kim and Edward Avila, I was introduced to the k-beauty world on Youtube, a world that I didn’t know existed. I’ve always known that k-beauty was a thing but I didn’t know it in depth; I didn’t know what was it all about, the products and what makes it so special compared to your regular western beauty industry. Once I opened the door to the k-beauty world, there was no way out. I’m officially addicted.

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LIFE LATELY : WHILE I WAS OFFLINE …

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I think it’s only appropriate to blog on this new website with a Life Lately, telling you what I’ve been up to for the past few weeks, other than working on this new website of course.

After coming back to Malaysia, I stayed with my grandparents in Melaka because I had to take my grandmother to the hospital for her doctor’s appointment. Other than that, I’ve been working. If you don’t know, I work with my Mom’s taxation firm so I’ve been helping out a company based in Negeri Sembilan which I won’t go into details about but that’s what I’ve been doing for the past two months, since the beginning of January. At least, that’s a huge chunk of it.

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ATTENDING THE ERAFM DIGITAL MUSIC AWARDS!

How long has it been since I’ve attended an actual event? Too long that I can’t remember. Astro was very kind to send me a media invitation to one of their latest projects, the ERA fm Digital Music Awards so I couldn’t just pass up on the opportunity. For the past year or so, I’ve come to really appreciate Malaysian music. I don’t listen to it 24/7 but I appreciate what’s being played on the radio a lot more than I used to. The Digital Music Awards was held to introduce new and young talents to the world, especially to a younger audience. The show was aired on Facebook Live and Astro On-The-Go as an attempt to engage in the younger audience. It wasn’t a huge and grand award show like the ones we’re used to. It was very small and humble, which is a good thing because it means there are higher chances for the line of new talents to be recognised and appreciated by the show’s audience.

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2016 YEAR IN REVIEW : HIGHLIGHTS, REFLECTIONS & MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

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2016 was a lukewarm year for me because it wasn’t exactly empowering or incredibly eye-opening and amazing because I think I went through all that in 2015 where I went through a year of self-discovery and self-love. 2016 was more of the year of improvements for me. A year where I try to make positive changes in my life and gain things that would add to the quality of my everyday life. However, it wasn’t a huge success but it wasn’t a total failure as well, which is why I call it a lukewarm year. It’s not cold, but it’s not that hot either. It was pretty much in between, some good things happened and some bad things happened. Where should I begin?

Let’s start with the positives :

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